He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize