he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
