ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize