In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize