Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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