none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
