I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
