I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
