P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
