I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
