standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Randomize
