When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
