I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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