I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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