I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
