i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
