Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize