Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Randomize