Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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