we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
