there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The feeling are messing with the penis
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
