He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
