: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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