shes about as inviting as chlamydia
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
