I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
