We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
