i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
