just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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