He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
