i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
