paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
