JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
