i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
