somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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