can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
