Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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