i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
