Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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