I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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