i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i love accidental penises.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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