Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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