It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize