Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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