I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize