Please, let me fuck your mom
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
