he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
