Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
