The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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