pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize