I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
