Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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