I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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