There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
