Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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