She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
