she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My feet surprised me
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