wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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