The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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