so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize