gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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