White coat. Heels.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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