Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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