So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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