piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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