So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
