If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
