OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
