kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
