What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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